Dear Reader,
We have evolved with time; from oration to parchment to this digital dimension that has allowed me to reach out to you. As a devout user and believer of tangents, it feels somewhat con [Read More…]
Closing
I draw close to the end of your life again; like the first time, I do not want your story to finish. I write to inform inch by inch – some through my words, some through yours, some throu [Read More…]
Menacing Lilies
Tide me over with that momentary smile.
With your kernel of life, consume awhile.
Tide me over please, the horizon nears.
I will not forget it when my path clears.
That froth [Read More…]
Recurrent Impact
Before I bid farewell, I want to convey to you this drastic change in society. We no longer pay worth to product or service; we have become a country that pays for convenience and luxury. [Read More…]
Through my Pane
Such a wonder, this pane of glass; I can almost touch you, but not entirely. Such magic in these wireless words; though not spoken, they tether reality. I can see you through this color [Read More…]
Lemon Ice
Damp, humid air;
Leaves, lushly green;
An enamoring scene;
Lavender flowers bloom;
In threads of nature’s loom;
Music hits my drums;
Early morning comes [Read More…]
Dark Rain
The sky grows dark. Night has taken over and the storms keep coming. Raindrops disappear against the cloudy sky; today much darker than last night. In melodic symphony, water streams; s [Read More…]
Emergent Spades
Something hit me just now and I must share. My first true heartbreak came quite unexpectedly; I do not know why I have forgotten of this amazingly beautiful tragedy of my life. His name [Read More…]
School Bus Legacy
I just cannot seem to let you go. I have returned to, as I had suspected, portions of your life that remain glued to my thinking, provoked by contemporary concerns. Your life, like mine, [Read More…]
Rush
Tell me one of your sex stories; I’ll tell you one of mine.
Let us compare adventures, let us understand and define.
Tell me the first time you kissed, the first time your Phil went hard. [Read More…]
Intersectional Influence
Today I wrote to one of my teachers; she coached me for a competition that my team went onto win. A few days ago I wrote to another; he taught me how to write. Just moments ago I a [Read More…]
The Cambrian Explosion
A wise friend wrote today, art is religion; I add art is God. From the beginning of humanity, art, in one form or another, has been the wormhole that defies time. We look back through th [Read More…]
Aesthetics of Words
Language has had a foundational presence in my life. My mother grew up heavily influenced by the West. My grandfather traveled internationally regularly for work; he brought home the cho [Read More…]
Bokuli Daring to Dream
Why does it become so difficult to sleep most nights? Why have I witnessed dawn to dusk to dawn repeatedly? Why, even when I shut my mind and my consciousness drifts into the oce [Read More…]
Pluto
I had a dog once. Soon after we moved to our new home, soon after I met my very special friend, my father took me to a neighboring locale, to a house where a dachshund had just bi [Read More…]
Alice in Varanasi
Bhang has been an undeniable linchpin of Indian hedonism from ancient times. Cannabis grows wild in the foothills of the Himalayas; its use has paired the worship of Shiva, the Go [Read More…]
English Design
England, in my mind, remains such a romantic idea; English, the most prevalent language; fish and chips sell out first at eateries and taverns across the world. The beauty of the [Read More…]
Cherries and Tulips
Summer is coming. I am drawn to cherries again. The tang perfectly blended into the sweet; one bite and the juices pour out overzealously, blood-red, staining my tongue and teeth [Read More…]
SIDA
On the eve of the last month of this Tribute to Sam project, I bring up the most sensitive of gay topics. The human immunodeficiency virus has ravaged through our communities throughou [Read More…]
The Love of Man
After his ‘tattoodling’ adventures, Mr. Steward returned to writing. This time, however, he wrote about sex under the pen-name Phil Andros. In a way he liberated himself from the bond [Read More…]
Death Comes
I do not fear death; I just do not look forward to the likely inconvenience of my suffering in case of disease or being maimed. I find death to be serene; it is that one commonali [Read More…]
Digging for Butts
Time hardens life; the struggles of adulthood for a late-blooming violet shroud doubt over the vision of bright futures – Or perhaps not. I will not be the first starving writer; [Read More…]
This Wonderland
If I only sit back for a few minutes in silence, I see how magical this world has become. Change is so gradual and yet when we look back at human history, change is so very drasti [Read More…]
Very Versus the Vices
Vices are misunderstood. To want and crave something to a destructive end involves two trajectories. First comes the ethical valuation of the act itself; the moralistic appraisal [Read More…]
Shameful, Shameless Sex
Something about sex draws us closer to it; a constant trepidation dances between guilt and excitement. Such a varied spectrum of affinities – each person forms the most instinctiv [Read More…]
Undeniable Dichotomy
The sacred and profane of existence mesmerizes me. Love and hatred, presence and absence, opening up and shutting down – these are all such paradoxically necessary causes and effects w [Read More…]
Stars on the Rhone
I spent a good twenty minutes staring at van Gogh's Starry Nights; two paces back, every paint-stroke gleamed differently against the light. From afar, the ménage of randomly orga [Read More…]
An American Debate
The great debate of this century has begun – the scales of equity holds institution on one end and the individual on the other. This is necessary, this intellectual awakening of t [Read More…]
A History of Homosexual People
As a gay man, I often feel lost; deprived of the legacy of my identity. I have searched for years to find common ground with voices from the past, something to connect me to humanity. [Read More…]
Hating Black Cigarettes
Hate-crimes still plague our society. Hiding behind the veil of political correctness, a deep-seethed resentment has inflamed, fueled by the infection of fear. Those who hate do [Read More…]
Bengali Chicago
The Bengali calendar-year begins in mid-April; it is a sidereal solar calendar. Boishakh, the first month, brings the Kalboishakhis – raging late-afternoon storms that sporadicall [Read More…]
Terrific Élan
In this journey we call life, teachers and angels direct our way. One such relationship is the master-apprentice relationship; it forms the foundation of our modern education system, d [Read More…]
Archangel
Life has a way of coming back around; it happens in a chaotic manner, unpredictable, yet assured. Back in law school, after my constitutional law final, I met a friend out to cele [Read More…]
Grace
Mirroring into me;
Fears, spirits gone;
They build, flow free.
Reflection from water,
Reflecting walls;
I keep seeing myself;
I sneer at it all.
Just Sometimes
Just sometimes my words deal pain.
I apologize, I do not intend.
I feel sullenly empty inside,
It’s eating my soul to not confide.
Just sometimes I like to talk.
Most days now my li [Read More…]
Living in the Rain
Searching through memories, I stumbled on the hot monsoon afternoon my friend and I played in the rain. At first, I did not want to play; water had a way of dampening my zeal. Bu [Read More…]
The Gay Bathhouse
I come to you today with an interesting snippet of American gay history. Gay bathhouses – an erotic twist on an age-old tradition – have long been part of the community’s clandestine p [Read More…]
Women, mothers and daughters
I, as a man, will never know what a woman goes through when life sprouts in her belly. I, as a man, will never understand that responsibility. But this one truth, I know: but for wom [Read More…]
Red Mississippi
From my shiny city to Bourbon Street,
I’m floatin’ to Red Mississippi.
Crawling, trudging, denying defeat,
I’ll be walkin’ to Red Mississippi.
Beaten, ousted, lashed up skin,
I’ll s [Read More…]
Play; Air and Fire
In rhythm, their colors display
Careful, wind, take away not flame
It may flicker up unknown things.
Embers steep as wind blows past,
A nugget on its bow, gets st [Read More…]
Reveal
What could you do with 21 extra minutes a day? For some time mankind has fiddled with calendars and structures to tell time, to control their minds. Line-iteming rules, boxed up in di [Read More…]
Quartz
A clock,
The spindle of time
A clock-maker metals in,
Rubies and lines
Circles around,
Endlessly rhyme
Big circles,
Little ones,
Converging spines [Read More…]
The truth about God and the Devil
Sometimes feelings overcome; thoughts evoke, thoughts of choking the life out of persons causing so much pain purely rationed by their blindness towards the hardships of others. But se [Read More…]
A Bridge
Water beneath me
Safer on my shoulders, you’ll be
I am that cobble
Pushing against your heel
Stronger on my mettle, you’ll speed
Stand in the middle
At t [Read More…]
Ideas
Like a cloud, I see its presence;
I feel it on my skin.
Light as feather, its quill resins;
It underlies the spin.
Then a drop of rain, an open, pouring sky,
This water sup [Read More…]
Fragmented Happiness
A storm rages through my life again. I am struggling to find footing in reality. Like quicksand, dark memories consume me as I struggle to free myself. So I opened up your life [Read More…]
Frontline Outcast
Good and bad live side by side. Within our hearts, love flourishes; beneath its shadow, envy grows. We want so bad to be good; we thrive on the self-aggrandizing adrenaline of be [Read More…]
Good Bye, Love
And you are not even here
Every corner, laden with smiles,
This life, our tears
I want to touch you,
Want to feel you deep inside my heart
I am Writer
On this journey to discover myself and my passion, I have opened myself up like the book I have been reading about my inspiration, Sam Steward. Sometimes I question whether I made the [Read More…]
Help me, God!
You wrote, once, the following when you broke your heart:
I have a feeling that something in the past two years has diminished the capability with which I was guiding my life int [Read More…]
Reflections
The tides are changing; climate has shifted from being complacent to becoming unpredictably troublesome. It seems that in times of change society has a hard time finding balance; [Read More…]
Becoming
In an empty hall, I glisten.
Lacking luster, taking form
Harder, darker, I become.
I whisper at the velvet pew
Quietly, I follow through.
Shedding weight [Read More…]
The Occupation of Peaceful Resistance
Several years ago I watched a documentary about the Students for a Democratic Society and its offshoot, the Weatherman. Though born of noble intent, these movements tarnished themselve [Read More…]
Friends
Lonely me, I know not what will be
Still, feels good, finding commonality
Blocked up paths, thorny sides
Forcing to narrow, thrusting to strive
Lessons learned, I tread weak [Read More…]
American Morality
Sometime ago, I wrote about the necessity of morality. This matter – whether morality plays a role in assessing our constitutional rights – has had many tumults that now flood our [Read More…]
Inside in One
Live in a mesodermal state.
Sorrow, joy, all forsake,
Lift the leg and take the step.
Unravel those silly strings,
Those things pulling on necks [Read More…]
Loss Tango
All night – even in our dreams, I think – and all morning, I have been looking…and I cannot find it! Did I hand it to him? Did I put it in my pocket? Did it slip out when I was [Read More…]
A Passing Glance
Every year, on the last few days, we reminisce. We remember the things we accomplished; we memorialize the things we lost; we appreciate what remains and we look forward to new be [Read More…]
God and Christmas
I grew up in an odd spiritual environment. Born into a Hindu family, shuttled between Catholic, Methodist, and secular schools, I drew spiritual guidance from various channels. I did [Read More…]
Paris
For some reason both you and I developed a love for Paris; maybe the soil still smells like rebellion. I went there for the first time a few dozen days before our historic 2008 pr [Read More…]
Human
Everything and Everywhere
My body will lie in waste;
It will slowly disintegrate.
One day I will scatter;
On the winds, my scent,
Earth, I become; I decay.
One day I’ll spread [Read More…]
Service, Politics, and Obama
I breathed the nostalgic political air from my cradle till the day I departed India. Public service is my mother’s family’s profession. My grandfather chaired the National Jute C [Read More…]
Coal-black to Day
Through the darkest stroke of night, rays of light usher in our future. Yesterday, President Obama and Secretary Clinton delivered two momentous speeches, both addressing crucial [Read More…]
Our Children
The children of this world are suffering; it breaks my heart. Each day I read about children being raped, killed, and thrown by the wayside – they have done nothing to deserve suc [Read More…]
Entrapped in Doubts on Love
When love becomes distant, when shadows of doubt fill futures of lovers, most of the time we cannot explain the feeling inside. Whatever the quarrel, rifts parting a common trajec [Read More…]
Dissecting the Preamble
I come to you today as a student of English; I seek your advice. While reading some constitutional papers it struck me odd that our founding fathers capitalized random words. In [Read More…]
Without You
I have nothing to look forward to.
Tomorrow is gloomy,
A chill of death runs through me.
Without you,
Stillness overcomes, not solitude.
Pain is tea [Read More…]
The Quarter-life Crisis of Uncle Sam
Oh, how familiar we are with bumps along the road; few large enough to digress our motives. Some find it cumbersome, others find it dispositive; history has put upon us this test [Read More…]
Please Forgive Me
Recently a university rejected my proposal to attend their conference – dedicated to you – to speak about my life with you. For a moment it hurt inside; I felt I had been forcibly [Read More…]
Article the First
A foundationally bankrupt legislature cannot sustain the American governmental system; it must be reformed. On that note, I reintroduce the first un-ratified amendment to our Constitut [Read More…]
A letter to the President
First, thank you for your service. In the midst of so many crises, you have maintained your composure and diligently served the people of this nation and, to some extent, the pe [Read More…]
Occupy
Occupy, Occupy, for what you seek, occupy.
Stand at their doors;
Sleep on their floors;
Of their ignorance, deprive them.
Occupy, Occupy, for what is good, occupy.
Stand up to fear; [Read More…]
The Psychology of Tattoos
I have written about tattoos a few times, elaborating my motivations, telling you why I love them, why they mean more to me than just pin-pricks and designs. Interestingly, this art-fo [Read More…]
Boys and Men
For the last twelve years Sandusky has been raping boys. In Afghanistan, Baccha Bazi – child’s play – claims lives of numerous poor boys every day. While admonishing queer life, [Read More…]
On Eleven, Eleven, Twenty-Eleven
I write to you on 11/11/2011; on this rarest of days, let us reflect. So much has happened in the last decade; stories worth many centuries have compiled within this time. Humani [Read More…]
My Memory-lane of Failures
One thing I have observed consistently throughout my life; this morbid fear we have of failure. Perhaps subconsciously it fascinated me so much that I caused myself to be riddled [Read More…]
The Duties of a Government
Sound public policy strives to avoid laws that incite societal imbalance. The Bill of Rights, before the drug-wars, maintained a privacy boundary the government could not cross. [Read More…]
The Gray Area
General knowledge expands by two forms of inquiry; one depending on personal absorptions – subjective – and one based on a cumulative average of personal observations within a grou [Read More…]
Stars, Cocks, and Flowers
The ink on my body has grown to mean various things. It started with a rebellion within me; I wanted to be free from the trappings of a conforming society – one favored by my fami [Read More…]
Monsoon, You and Me
I am the monsoon winds.
I am the waves of Michigan;
I am a sunny spring.
I am the smile on your face;
I am the tear on your cheek.
I am y [Read More…]
Salt Water
In the beginning, matter and anti-matter collided; a billion parts of anti-matter to a billion and one parts of matter turned the tide in matter’s direction. From that one percent [Read More…]
Chards of Glass
They do not cherish the small chards of glass that make the menagerie; they prefer seeing it complete. They cannot comprehend the simple philosophy; pebbles make ripples, albeit u [Read More…]
The Misunderstood
At our core, we sing the same song. Yes, narcissism has its part; more importantly, we focus on impact. We tend fields, guiding leaves, sometimes pruning. Devotion comes from wi [Read More…]
Fiddle Rhyme
I do not fear death. It came to me in my dreams some time ago; it scared me with horrid scenes of bygone pains. I woke up startled and I shook it off. I fear pain less and less [Read More…]
Human Nature
For the last millennia humanity has built foundations on edicts of war and fear. We have come to believe that human nature – our exceptional intellect – roots in destruction, dece [Read More…]
Changing Donkey and Dumbo
Partisan politics disturbs the democratic process. From all directions I hear news of Republican conventions and Democratic caucuses; in the middle, the federal government sits, d [Read More…]
Flat n’ Cold, and Man-made Rules
Few of us have lived our dreams as uninhibitedly as Sam Steward did his. He led such a daring life that sometimes he lost himself in the complexity of his psyche. To an outsider, his [Read More…]
Derivative Industries
We wake up these days to continental scandals, causal protests, and ensuing crises. The first Great Global Revolution has begun. Governments impose arbitrary restraints on basic perso [Read More…]
Styx between loneliness and bliss
Summer has ended; the holidays draw closer. I have always enjoyed Christmas; thanksgiving began when I came here. For many, these holidays bring a haunting emptiness. Shunned by fami [Read More…]
Young
The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. I open my eyes to new things every day; lessons hiding behind the most common specks of life.
Outside the ruins of Sarnat [Read More…]
Death by False Doctrine
Few weeks ago a Mormon man, abandoned by religion and family after coming out, killed himself; how lonely he must have felt. The difference between solitude and loneliness; the fo [Read More…]
Ignorant Folly
My brother and I have a strained relationship; he thinks I am inept. Throughout life people have made me so many things I am not because of all the things I am. One way or anothe [Read More…]
Cain and Abel
Some weeks ago I signed a petition to stay the execution of a Georgia man convicted of killing a police officer. Since his conviction, seven out of nine witnesses have gone back o [Read More…]
Even Exchange
We always strive to find an even exchange. Buy or not, sell or not; all depends on what we believe we get in return. So, some time ago, after much consideration, I booked a man f [Read More…]
Vanilla Lines
We all find ourselves in such queer ways. Fortunately, I grew up with very little guidance on sexuality. In fact, my kin exploited my androgyny. They dressed me up in costumes f [Read More…]
American, inconspicuously
I apologize for the extended absence. My computer met its end last week along with all my stored pictures and writings; even the back-up drive expired. I am convinced the univers [Read More…]
Garden of Kennedy and McCarthy
You lived amid a most bigoted era in American history. McCarthy and Wherry, batons and inquiries; I would have protested. Morality, they said, governed society; to be specific, t [Read More…]
Miracles and Dreams
I have never been to Kabul; I would like to. A hundred years ago, we could have, quite easily; I wish you had tried. For, then I know you would have inked and painted worth anoth [Read More…]
